The Mind Gone Mad

I have my lappy. You all know this. And I call it “The Lappy” because of the awesomeness that is Strongbad. He calls his lappy so that is good enough for me. But now there is a new computer coming to town: The Beast.

I’ve started in on the process of finally putting together my gaming PC. I’m working with The Wiz on this. Of course his real name is Jay, but I’m gonna refer to him as The Wiz from now on. Not just here, but in life as well whether he likes it or not. So someone better go warn him about that before I just spring it on him.

Anyway. Getting off track there. The Wiz was gracious enough to lend me a hand on this even though we really don’t know each other all too well and have hung out and grand total of….8 times? Maybe more? Who knows. But the dude knows his shit and I trust him.

So he’ll be throwing his suggestions at me, I’ll be throwing my own back, and eventually I will settle on all the components I’ll need for The Beast to live. As of right now, I have ordered all the external parts: a wireless keyboard, wireless mouse, speakers, and the best part of all: 22 inch, widescreen, flat panel monitor. I need new pants just from looking at the pictures. Sweetness

Just imagine how awesome a game like Oblivion is going to look on a computer geared towards gaming on that sucker of a screen. Oh lord, I can’t feckin’ wait.

But it shall be a slow process. No need to rush. My best guess is it will all be done end of June, beginning of July time.

WHEEEEE!

This is the worst time of night. 3:50, nearly 4am. I hate 4am. It pisses me off. It’s that point where its more than just late and still not quite the next day. 5am is fine because light will be coming up soon and by 6am its already there. But 4am is a real bitch, and that’s where I am now.

That’s right, boys and girls, I still can’t do much in the way of sleep. I like to refer to myself as a half-way insomniac. See with insomnia, a person has problems falling asleep and staying asleep. I only have problems falling asleep. Once I’m out, I’m out. Very rarely do I wake up less than 8 hours later unless an alarm is set and even then I pass out 5 seconds later.

No, I just have a real problem with falling asleep at night. Sure, I feel plenty tired right now and my eyes are a bit heavy, but there isn’t that “damn I need to sleep” feel yet. Not even close. I feel as though I could make it easily through all of tomorrow. I haven’t done that in a while: stay up for over 24 hours.

Maybe I should do that. Only problem of course being that my parents would here me or something. Perhaps I can just bring my laptop to bed and just stay up all night doing….uh…I guess nothing.

Gah, I need to go and make my desktop already. I’m gonna start talking to everyone I know who knows computers and see what I can do to put together a real beast of a machine. And if not? Plan B will simply be to get a spankin’ new HP desktop customized with the works. But that will cost quite a bit and I don’t feel like doing that. So I guess I’ll start sending out the e-mails.

FUCK! Almost 4am. It’s 3:55. I hate this! I hate you time! You suck! You are evil! I will find you and destroy you if its the last thing I do! That’s right! You heard me! I’m gonna destroy time itself! Than we shall all be ageless in a endless sea of infinity! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I want cake….

I’m sure if any random fan of the Legend of Zelda series comes along and reads this, he or she could end up quite upset. Considering that most (if any) will not agree with my opinion on the time line. Therefore my preemptive response to those people is thus: fuck off.

So there.

This is my opinion of the time line and I don’t give a flying fuck if you like it or not. I’ve been playing this series for the past 18 years and it has become one of my greatest passions. But I am still able to look at it for what it is: a video game.

I need to first break down some key elements of this series.

First – there are multiple Link’s and Zelda’s throughout each game. This is not just a simple time line consisting of the same exact characters over and over. This are instead different individuals who are related throughout many generations and end up repeating history. So how many Link’s and Zelda’s are there? And who is in each game? Here is how I view it:

NES
The Legend of Zelda
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

These games featured two different Princess Zelda’s, but also featured the same Link. How is this possible? In the first game, The Legend of Zelda, Link is the young man who sets out to save Princess Zelda from Ganon. After he completes that task and defeats Ganon, he then travels north of Hyrule where he discovers completely different Princess Zelda. She has been under an enchanted sleep for many years (perhaps hundreds or over a thousand). She got that way when she refused to share her piece of the Triforce with her brother. The brother’s aid, an unnamed wizard, placed her into that sleep. This is the start of Zelda II. The plot being that Link has to awaken this other Princess and stop Ganon from returning. He completes this goal and awakens the new Zelda.

For those who didn’t know, the sleeping Zelda was the original Zelda in the Hyrule time line. It was her brother who, after feeling both regret and guilt, declared that all female children born in the royal family be named Zelda. This accounts for why they are all named Zelda. And that is the actually Legend of Zelda.

SNES
A Link to the Past

This game features a new Link and a new Zelda. Both appear in other games.

Game Boy
Link’s Awakening
Four Swords

Link’s Awakening features the same Link as was in A Link to the Past. Zelda does not appear in this game. Link’s Awakening is the direct sequel to A Link to the Past featuring Link sailing the world to improve upon his abilities and eventually returning home. He then becomes ship wrecked and finds himself in what is discovered to be a dream world. After waking from this dream he is back in the wreckage and completely adrift, but does eventually make it back to Hyrule.

Both the same Link and Zelda are once again in Four Swords, and are the same from A Link to the Past. This game features Zelda being kidnapped by Vaati, a wizard who seeks to make Zelda is bride, but of course is defeated by Link – using a legendary weapon known as the Four Sword – and sealed away.

GameCube
Four Swords Adventures

The same Link and Zelda from A Link to the Past and Four Swords. This game is the direct sequel to Four Swords.

Game Boy (again)
Oracle of Ages
Oracle of Seasons

Once again, the same Link and Zelda from A Link to the Past are featured in this game. How do I know – since there is a lot of debate on this. Because the Triforce is completely restored which has happened in only two games: A Link to the Past and Wind Waker. But at the end of Wind Waker, Hyrule is flooded forever and the Triforce cannot leave Hyrule. Which limits this down to the one Link.

N64
Ocarina of Time
Majora’s Mask

This games also feature a new Link and a new Zelda. These two new characters are the same in each of these two games. Majora’s Mask is the direct sequel to Ocarina of Time.

GameCube
Wind Waker

Another new Link and Zelda. These two are arguably the last in the time line.

DS
Phantom Hourglass

The same Link and Zelda (Tetra) from Wind Waker.

Game Boy (one last time)
The Minish Cap

A new Link and Zelda that are not part of any other game.

Wii
Twilight Princess

A new Link and a new Zelda.

So there. That covers all the games. That gives a grand total of 6 Link’s and 7 Zelda’s. And if you don’t agree with me, see previous response.

And how many Ganondorf’s / Ganon’s are there? Simple. One. Just one. It has always been the same dude coming back time and time again. Ganon is the physical embodiment of evil, and evil cannot be killed. That’s more or less the moral Nintendo is going for with that.

So how do these game all time in together? Well several have sequels of their own, but that only helps a little bit. We’re looking for the big picture here. Which brings us to the second part. How each game ended.

The Legend of Zelda- With Link restoring the Triforce of Wisdom, defeating Ganon (who turns to ash) with a “magic sword” and silver arrows, claiming the Triforce of Power, and rescuing Princess Zelda.

The Adventure of Link- With Link restoring the Triforce of Courage, waking Princess Zelda, and preventing Ganon’s return by defeating “Dark Link.”

A Link to the Past- Link defeating Ganon (who is slain) with the Master Sword (found in the Lost Woods) and silver arrows, rescuing Zelda, and claiming the Triforce as a whole. Link returns the Master Sword to its pedestal.

Link’s Awakening- Link defeating his nightmare which is represented by a shadow form of Ganon and eventually wakes up from his dream.

Four Swords- Link defeating Vaati with the Four Sword and rescuing Zelda.

Four Swords Adventure- Link defeating Ganon with the Four Sword and rescuing Zelda.

Oracle of Ages/Seasons- These two games are essentially mirror worlds. Link defeats either Onox or Veran and rescues either Din or Nayru (both Oracles).

Ocarina or Time- We see Ganondorf as a human for the first time. At the end of the game, he transforms into Ganon. Link defeats Ganon using the Master Sword (found in the Temple of Time) and light arrows. Ganondorf is sealed away by the seven sages. Ganondorf is possesses his piece of the Triforce (power) while Link holds courage and Zelda holds wisdom. Link returns to Master Sword to its pedestal.

Majora’s Mask- Link saves the land of Termina using enchanted masks and a forged Kokiri Sword. He defeats Majora’s Mask and eventually returns to Hyrule.

Winder Waker- Link defeats Ganondorf (who turns to stone) by plunging the Master Sword deep into his head. Hyrule eventually floods and no word is mentioned that it is ever saved. The resembled Triforce scatters after the King makes his wish to flood Hyrule and stop Ganondorf. Link and Zelda survive the flood, but the Master Sword stays under water and is not returned to its pedestal.

Phantom Hourglass- Link defeats Bellum with the Phantom Sword and saves Zelda (Tetra).

The Minish Cap- Link defeats Vaati using the Four Sword and rescues Zelda.

Twilight Princess- Link defeats Ganondorf by plunging the Master Sword through his chest. Ganondorf still holds his piece of the Triforce of Power as Link and Zelda hold their respective pieces as well.

So that wraps up that portion. And why did I walk you through all this? To help you see what I have seen and show you exactly what I have come up with. Where I believe the time line goes. And it is this….

There is no time line! There is far too much contradiction for there to be any coherent linking of all these games no matter how you try and spin it.

Oh sure, many of the games can work together, but not each one. As a matter of fact, all but three games can work together. If you leave out Wind Waker, Phantom Hourglass, and Twilight Princess, there is no problem whatsoever. The games would go like this:

1. The Minish Cap (as the precursor to games further down the line with Link creating the Four Sword)
2. Ocarine of Time (with the introduction of Ganondorf, the first use of the Master Sword, and Ganondof being sealed away and Link being labeled the Hero of Time)
3. Majora’s Mask (with Link moving on in this travels)
4. A Link to the Past (a descendant of the Hero of Time who witnesses Ganondorf breaking the seal, but is prevented from returning to Hyrule; the Master Sword used a second time)
5. Link’s Awakening (with Link traveling to other lands and eventually returning to Hyrule)
6. Four Swords (Link having to defeat Vaati with the Four Sword that was created many generations before)
7. Four Swords Adventture (Link having to defeat Vaati and Ganon again using the Four Sword once more)
8. Oracle of Ages/Season (Link being summoned by the resembled Triforce to do battle elsewhere)
9. The Legend of Zelda (a fourth Link who experiences a coming of age journey to save Zelda and defeat Ganon)
10. The Adventure of Link (Link continues in his journeys by bringing the original Zelda out of her sleep)

And that is where it ends. I don’t care what you try and pull off, Wind Waker (which must have Phantom Hourglass as its sequel) and Twilight Princess cannot fit anywhere. Why? Simple. Because in both games the Triforce is still separated.

In Wind Waker, Ganondorf already has the Triforce of Power. Zelda has a portion of the Triforce of Wisdom (given to her by her mother), and Link must put the Triforce of Courage back together by finding the eight pieces that shattered when the original hero left Hyrule (proof that the Triforce cannot leave Hyrule). So if the Triforce is still separated, that means it must come BEFORE A Link to the Past, but obviously is has to come AFTER Ocarina of Time (since Ocarina of Time shows the first appearance of Ganondorf in Hyrule).

So then how did Ganondorf break out of the seal that the sages placed him in? And how does this explain Hyrule’s fate? The place gets flooded, the Master Sword is never returned to it’s pedestal, and then some how Ganondorf is supposed to end up back trapped in the seal that he never broke in the first place? Yeah that makes sense….

Why not argue that Wind Waker comes after The Adventure of Link? Because of placement. Nintendo claimed that Wind Waker followed shortly after Ocarina of Time. But clearly they missed how much contradiction that caused as I have already stated. So let us ignore what they said, and focus on what the game itself shows.

We see that the fish-like Zoras have evolved into the bird-like Ritos. And since there are Zoras around as far as A Link to the Past, we must assume that Wind Waker wakes place after A Link to the Past. Unless we want to believe that Zoras became Rito then Rito back to Zoras. But even though I know I’m going way over the top with this and getting far too fanboyish even for me, I’m not gonna go that far.

But then there are all the other things. Like how the people still speak of the Hero of Time, how the Great Deku Tree exists (perhaps the Deku Sprout from Ocarina of Time now grown), and how the Gorons are still around (completely disappeared by A Link to the Past)? This all points that it should come after Ocarina of Time, and yet already that cannot be.

If one really wanted to argue it, one could say that the people still speak of the Hero of Time because he was the original legend (which would account for why people don’t remember it outside of being a legend) and perhaps all the other Links were blended into a single story that was pasted down, and Deku Tree was able to live all those years and that the Gorons simply came back from wherever they went. OK. I actually will buy that. But we still can’t safely tack Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass onto the end of the above time line. Why? Because of the biggest contradiction of all: the dissembled Triforce.

As I already stated, Wind Waker begins with Ganondorf having his piece of the Triforce, Zelda having part of her’s, and Link needing to reconstruct his. So if The Legend of Zelda plus The Adventure of Link ends with all three pieces eventually being collected by Link (though we technically never see them put all back together), how do we account for them being not only ripped apart again, but Ganondorf getting the Triforce of Power? We can’t. So Wind Waker doesn’t fit anywhere.

Now we get to the really big monkey wrench in all this. Twilight Princess. It fits nowhere. Where can you put it? According to Nintendo its supposed to come closer to Ocarina of Time than Wind Waker did (but we see how great they did with that assessment).

If you place it between Ocarina of Time and A Link to the Past, you face the exact same questions as you did with Wind Waker being between them. You cannot have Ganondorf out of the sages seal then mysteriously back in it just because you impale him with a sword. Even in a world of golden goddesses and magic fairies, that makes no sense.

So where do you put it? Since I believe that Wind Waker is the last chapter of Hyrule, it has to come before that. That would mean either after either Oracle of Ages/Seasons or The Adventure of Link. But you got one huge problem with that: Link, Ganondorf, and Zelda were all born with a piece of the Triforce already inside them. And how did they get there? Ganondorf had his already, Link is a descendant to the Hero of TIme and Zelda a descendant to the Zelda who helped banish Ganondorf along with the Hero of Time. BUT since we have that contradiction of it not being able to come after Ocarina of Time AND the contradiction that it would make no sense for these descendants to be born with pieces of the Triforce long after it had been resembled, the game simply cannot fit anywhere.

So if you wanted a time line, the best I can give you is 11 out of the 14 games. That is the only way it makes sense to me. But it can’t work around all 14 games. I’ve tried, it can’t be done. It doesn’t work. And don’t even suggest the split time line theory. I’ll break your arm if you suggest that piece of shit idea. That theory ends up with the same contradictions anyway, let alone it doesn’t make sense and is really just a time paradox in training.

There you go. Hope you enjoyed that long as all fuck read. I’m not even gonna proof read it. So don’t bother to call me on any mistakes. I don’t give a shit. I’m out!