The Mind Gone Mad

We become attached to things and act like they are a direct extension of ourselves when it truth they really mean nothing of us even if they mean everything to us. For me, that thing is the New York Yankees.

Fans go nuts if the team loses like they themselves have failed at life. I myself have fallen victim to such feelings. When fans talk about trades and such we use phrases like “I hope we get him,” or “I hope we win tonight.” We? Why do we say we? We aren’t the ones on the field. We aren’t the ones making the trades. We are not part of the team in any fashion. Yes, without the fans the teams would not be significant in any way, but that doesn’t mean it is we. I’ve been trying to watch what I say and use “they” instead of “we.” I’m coming along with it.

So why do I bring this up? Well because, my favorite contemporary player, Alex Rodriguez, finally ended all the debate and wondering when he officially opted out of the final three years of his contract and thus ended his four year career with the Yankees. He is now a free agent, in the prime of his career, coming off his best season. He is without a doubt the best player on the open market. And the Yankees will not pursue him.

At first, I was pissed off. Then I was sad. But before I said anything about it, I decided to think it all over for a day. And in keeping with being an objective fan here is my final assessment:

I don’t care. I mean I do, but I don’t. It doesn’t have any real affect on me. It’s just something tat happened to a sports team. If I never watched another game again, they would keep playing. So it isn’t about me. So why bother giving a shit. I’ll watch, and enjoy, but I won’t put any personal emotion into it other than cheering and booing during the moment. As for Alex…

Alex wanted out from the start of the season. Sure, he says that it was the unanswered questions of who is the manager going to be and what are the issues with the other free agents, but he could have easily waited the 10 more days he had. He also could have at least met and listened to what the Yankee front office had to offer him in the way of a contract extension. Instead, he chose to get out while those excuses were still available to him.

This was not and is not a question of money. Of course not. If anyone even suggest this is money, you’re a moron. Name me a team that can pay a player more than the Yankees. Name a team that will pay a player more than the Yankees. Exactly. You can’t. This had to do with New York. Alex does not want to play in New York anymore. I don’t know if it’s fear or just not wanting to go through being booed again. The guy clearly doesn’t like the atmosphere and he decided to leave. That is my firm opinion and nothing is going to change it any time soon.

So what do I think of the guy? Nothing. Nothing here nor there. Why? because I don’t know him on a personal level. I only know him as a player and I only judge these guys as players. So as a player to me, Alex is amazing. I wished he would have stayed. I wanted him to stay. I see talent and skill. But as a person? I can’t figure that out from watching a ball game and the 3 minute interviews with the media he doesn’t want in his face anyway. Some people say he is greedy, others say he is a jerk. I don’t say anything. Because that is all too personal and making such a call when all you really know about the man comes from the colored images of the magic box in your living room is a foolish thing to do.

Instead I will say this: thank you, Alex. You made it interesting. I’m sure you will get a rain of boos when you are in the next All Star game, but it happens. The average Yankee fan is a fickle one. After all, they refer to the team as “we.”

Owyn, you Canadian bastard! Here I was asking you every other day to throw a question and all you gave me was that you didn’t have anything and now that I post the fucker, you come up with something. Don’t tell me that just happened. I know you fucking planned this! But fine. If it was anyone else, I’d tell them to fuck off. But I love you too much, Canada. So here we go with the final question:

I never left you a question before because i didn’t have one… but I have a good one now and so I will ask it.

I live my life through the following statement by one of my idols in history – Napoleon Bonaparte. In fact, I have so many quotes I like about him that’s it’s just really difficult to pick a favorite. However, this one is my favorite and I believe it to be very true. Before I give it to you, though, you need to read the following excerpt.

No matter what, in life, to every action there is a reaction. It doesn’t matter how subtle an action is, or how “large” an action is. It can have big, or small repercussions. I partially didn’t want to ask a question before because you know me… I’m not a pryer, and I’m not a verbal “character investigator,” I tend to measure a person’s character by the actions they perform and then the reactions that follow. I’m more of an observer than a personal question asker. With that said, here is the following quote:

“Among those who dislike oppression, are those who like to oppress.”

You’ve heard that saying before from me and I believe it whole heartedly. Leading a clan is one thing, but I’m taking this up a few notches.

What would you do as President of the United States?

I know you’re a thinker… and because you are, this isn’t some posh about “lower taxes, world peace” etc… as they aren’t reasonable. How would you shape your nation, or your world if you were elected as of this moment in time. What would you do?

An example of what I mean specifically is the following – if you cut taxes you make people happier, but you also make them upset because you, without intention, have to cut benefits in order to balance the budget.

I would like to know what you would do with your people. What would you do with your current international reputation, and how would you go about making the world a better, or worse place.

Simple question… but difficult, I’d think, to thoroughly think out.

Funny enough, I’ve actually thought about this before. I’ve made other statements on how I don’t vote because I don’t believe the leaders have the people’s interests at heart. Instead, they have their own interests at heart and call that a platform. Yeah nice. You go ahead and work to make your pockets deeper. I’ll stand off to the side and see right through you.

Here is my beef with not only the President, but all world leaders as well: no one (and don’t kid yourself because it’s no one) is stepping up and saying that we’ve been getting it wrong. The issues aren’t about taxes, alternative fuels, or gay marriage. Those are the sub issues of the issues. The issue is about how we are at each other’s throats every fucking day. That we’re mad animals that attack each other and for what?

If I were President. First thing? Stop the war. Not end the war, stop the war. All troops, come home. “Well you can’t just do that.” Yes, you can. Don’t lie to yourself about that. Stop the war, bring everyone home – and I mean everyone, not most of them but then leave half an army standing at he boarders with missiles pointed every which way – and state to all the nations involved, and then the world, that the U.S. is sorry. I didn’t start this war, but I am sorry that it happened. Every single troop is leaving and we aren’t sending them back. We would like to have a personal sit down with your leaders and figure this all out. We have differences, but that never means we cannot coexist.

Now to anyone who is thinking “It’s not that simple.” Really? How would you know? Has it been tried? No. And I mean really try it too. No half assed thing where we send a fucking diplomat to wave a flag, and be a dick in a suit. I myself go over. I talk with them. I’m the face of the fucking country, so I act like it.

And that is pretty much how I would do everything else. Whenever I hear that the President is on another fucking vacation, I get so pissed off. Are we living in utopia yet? No! So your job isn’t done, asshole. You don’t get a vacation. You only have 8 fucking years at most. Use every single second. That is exactly how I would treat it. There is always another problem to address. Why are at war? Anyone? Exactly! You don’t know. Oh sure, you think you know, but no one can honestly say why. There are dozens of reasons. Mostly because we fail to realize that the idea of being separate nations is bullshit. Last time I checked this was a whole planet. Why don’t we fucking act like it?

It ain’t gonna happen over night, and we ain’t gonna be holding hands if it happens, but we can learn to deal with each other. Why is it that when people have differences they have to make the other person accept their idea? And then when that doesn’t happen they either become angry, violent, or say “That person is a moron and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Why can’t we just say to each other “Hey, you have your opinion. I don’t agree with it, but that’s fine. Clearly you don’t agree with mine. But you’re you, and I’m me, and we can still live on this world together.” What the fuck is so hard about that?!

That’s what I would promote day in and day out as President. Coexistence. It isn’t a hard concept. Instead we have to get angry at the things different from ourselves. We have to look at it in disgust. Until we just hate it. Until we want it destroyed. And thus…bigotry is born. And we don’t have a President fighting against that. We have a President who started a war. Who wants a particular group of people eradicated. Then on the home from, he wants to ban same sex marriages. He, and others, call it immoral. We have hate crimes. We have intolerance. We have people attacking people simply because they didn’t take the time to get to know each other. And we don’t have a leader out there saying “Stop. We’re doing it wrong. Humanity is fucking up. We’re slowly killing ourselves. It all has to stop right now. If you don’t like someone, then walk away.”

We tell that to children right? Can’t say nothing nice then don’t say anything at all. If you don’t like them then leave then alone. Parents say it to their children all the time. 10 minutes later that same parent looks out his or her window at the new family moving in across the street. It’s a minority group. And they think to themselves “Why are they moving in?” Because they’re people. They have that right. Don’t like them? Then leave them be. They aren’t harming you. So don’t harm them.

I would be out there every single fucking day promoting that. Both in this country and around the world. Would I be successful? Who knows. But I would try.

OK. I’m just going to publish this without reading it over. I kind of just went at it like free association. So if it a bit rambling and incoherent, that’s why.

So here it is. No need for any special intro. It’s huge, so here we go:

“What is your worst experience in life, ever?”
-Stokes
I’m getting this one out of the way. I don’t want it thrown in the middle or put at the end. I want this entry to be insightful and as humorous as I can get it so I’m doing it first and getting it out of the way, but I’m also not going to sugar coat it.
Quite simply, the murder of my close friend John Frazza. It was horrible, it was disgusting, it was heart breaking, it was everything bad, and more. It happened on July 10, 2006 and the pain of it is still there. Many of us still deal with it every day, but we work together to keep going. That’s all I really need to say.

Tear jerking enough? Good. Let’s move on.

——————————————————————————————

“why?”
-Enzio
Because I fucking can. Next!

——————————————————————————————

“Death is not an option: Do cows go squeak or do penguins go moo?”
-Fantasie / DD
You suck. I want to say that first. This is it isn’t it? This is the end of the master plan. First it was “Cows go squeak” then it went “Penguins go moo” and it was all leading up to this question. Now I have to choose. I have to admit…you’re a genius. I applaud you. But…..fuck!
OK fine. I pick “Penguins go moo.” Probably because I can deal with that more. I never really ever tried to stop you from saying that. The whole cows go squeak thing….that’s just wrong. There is too much squeaking coming from you as is. We don’t need the poor cows doing it too. Plus now I’m imagining a field of Emperor Penguins and they are all mooing.
And a side note: I apologize to all the people who have no idea what any of this means. This must be some of the most peculiar shit you have ever read.

——————————————————————————————

“a little while ago you mentioned how you wanted to talk more about your “madness” but were afraid it might disturb some people, and I guess I want to know more about that.”
-Lavender Ana / Sarah
I wasn’t afraid too much that it might disturb people. I let it go because I didn’t get back the level of feed back I was hoping for in order to make a decision. But now that you’ve asked, I’ll go into it.
My madness comes from my creativity. I don’t know if it’s an actual mental defect or if I’m just the type who goes too far, but I look for ways to push the envelop. I come up with short stories about serial killers, how they go about their killings, why they did it, and how they get away with it. I’ll get so pissed off at people for some times the most minute thing that it’s all I can do from flipping out and hitting them. I have intense dreams that I can barely describe, but I’ll wake up in a sweat knowing the images in my head were freaking me out. I find myself driving down an empty street going 80 mph and thinking “If I jerk the wheel how many times will the car flip?” And it’s not a cry for help. It’s all random impulse and thought that creeps into my head.
What do those last few have to do with creativity? Well without trying sounding like an egotistical ass, I like to think that when I really let it go and don’t hold back, I can reach a level of creativity most cannot. That I’m walking that line between genius and insanity. That many times I step into the insanity part in order to turn it into genius. But then there are times when I think I might step over the line and just never come back. That’s when things like those dreams happen. I usually have to stop with whatever project I’m working on and let my head settle down. But if one day I just go and keep going….who knows.

——————————————————————————————

Peril’s Questions:

“What is the most cruel thing you’ve done to another person?”
Breaking away from SFI. I’m not at all regretful or disappointed we did it. Because we had to. Things were becoming unbearable over there and we needed to get out. But I have stopped to realize what it is that we did. Now they will never admit this, but we really hurt that clan. We didn’t kill them, but we did take a few limbs off. I mean, we were some of the largest financial contributors, smartest, and most active members. The games and members we took with us hurt that clan in ways it will never recover. But they survived. Good for them. But then there is what we did to Eliteone. Granted, she was a pretty selfish person, but we really robbed her of her trust. She is never going to really trust anyone outside her very small clique. By leaving, we did that to her and her clan. I’d do it all again if I had the chance, but when looking at it from that side of things, it was pretty fucking cruel.

“Have you ever taken advantage of somebody, and how?”
If I have taken advantage of someone, I don’t know that I did. I try to be as honorable and fair as I can be. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been tempted. Only a few months ago, Sarah was drunk off her ass and getting a little touchy feely with me. And this was before either of us really expressed interest in the other so from my point of view this was a drunk friend with her inhibitions lowered to the fucking ground. But I did the right thing. I put a stop to it for her sake, and I’m glad that I did. I wouldn’t have felt right about letting it go any further. Though I will say this: drunk Sarah is hilarious to watch.

“What would you consider to be the absolute most embarassing situation to be stuck in?”
Anything that places you in a sexual position, you and your partner are stuck, and an ambulance has to be called. There is no way that is going to be enjoyable for you. That story will be told by that medical crew for the rest of their lives.
That or something like you’re apartment caught fire and most of your things were destroyed and you were right outside the whole time. The only reason you didn’t go in is because you forgot your keys. Then shortly later you find out that your keys were just in a different pocket.

“Do you feel you have been given the credit you deserve?”
Have I done anything that is credit worthy? I don’t think I have. I’m a good friend to people, I do my job well, and I run the clan as best I can. But I don’t think any of that really translates into me deserving credit. Credit to me would be like winning an award or some other special was of being honored. I don’t feel I’ve done anything to deserve that. I know that everyone appreciates what I do and that’s enough for me.

“Eff-Marry-Kill – Snowolf, Owyn, Enzio…haha…just kidding…or am I?”
Kidding or not, I’m answering.
I kill Snowolf just because of the whole pie thing. But with our recent findings, I’m sure he’s sad that he isn’t the one getting fucked by another dude. I probably fuck Enzio simply because I’d marry Owyn. Owyn’s too cool a dude to not want to be with him forever. And I don’t care how gay that sounds. Bite me!

“If you’ve ever done any (non-prescription, not OTC) drugs, which ones? If not…which could you be persuaded to try?”
I have not. I don’t even drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes. But if I did do some kind of drug? I’d probably go with morphine. You don’t feel anything when you’re on that shit. You can have your leg snapped off and your only thought is “Dude….sweet.” Yeah. That shit would be my drug of choice.

“You’re on a ship with your immediate family (not pets). The ship is sinking. You can save yourself and one other member of your family. You cannot sacrifice yourself. Who do you save?”
My brother. No brainer. I love everyone else in my family, but I’m the older brother and it’s my responsibility to keep him safe. For those who think I might be ripping off Supernatural, I’m not. It’s an older sibling thing. Most all of us feel responsible for our younger siblings and know that it is our job to keep them safe. Simple as that.

“What dissapoints you the most about yourself?”
Wow. OK. Hmmm. My short temper. Most people probably don’t even know it, but my fuse is pretty short. Hell just the other day at work I wanted to punch out a nurse (male nurse). I was busy, couldn’t get to what he wanted me to do right away, and he gave me a little attitude about it when I got there by saying “We’ve been waiting for you.” Hey fuck you! The whole time I just wanted to hit the guy. I go through things like that on a near daily basis. My first impulse to being even annoyed is usually that I want to punch the person annoying me. Just send their ass to the fucking ground. What stops me from doing it? A lot of will power. But I’m sure one day I’m just going to give in and slug someone. Keep an eye out for me on the news!

” If you could travel anywhere, where would it be?”
Australia. That place to me looks like a fucking paradise. I’m a beach and water person. Just go Google image search “Australian beach” and you will find some of the nicest looking pictures ever.

“Where have you traveled that you would never go again, and why?”
Montreal. Bored the fuck out of me.

“If you could ask ME, Andy, AKA Peril, any question, what would it be? (you know you’ll get your answer!)”
OK. Here. What do you think of me? And don’t give me the short, simple, “You’re a cool guy” answer. Break it down. What do you like about me, what do you dislike about me? Be as honest and as elaborate as possible. We’re friends so I’m not afraid of the answer.

“What’s your favorite thing about being in a “serious” relationship? And what do you think your girlfriend would say to that question?”
The fact that we are really connecting. We’re on the same page about so many things, we’re able to really open up to each other, we don’t judge each other, and I can be calm around her. Usually my mind runs a mile a second, is far too overactive, and never shuts up, but when with her, that isn’t the case. I’m enjoying it so far and like where things are going. I think she should pretty much say the same thing.

“What’s the most creative idea you’ve ever had? (I won’t steal it…but I can’t say the same for the other fools reading this dribble!)”
The story I have been working on all these years. I know that I have been talking about it and not getting it done, but I feel like I need more people who know how to write to help me on it. Like 2 or 3 people. I’m not much of a writer. I’m a storyteller. I can express the story in spoken word so much better than I ever could in print. If I had a small group of people to work with who understood what I wanted and wouldn’t be afraid to offer their own creative input, I think we could really put something together.

“Do you know the concept of a “fuck list?” basically, it’s a list of people, typically celebrities, that you’d never normally have the chance of meeting, that if given the opportunity, you’d have sex with. You can list five (5) names. Give us those names, and why!”
Who doesn’t know what a fuck list is? My friends and I each gave ours on a car trip back from Six Flags once. But that was years ago and mine has had some serious updates since then. Here are my five:
-Lacey Chabert: Why? Because she is a fucking goddess, that’s why!
-Jenny Finch: Beautiful and athletic. Not to mention she plays softball which is pretty close to baseball. She could very well be the perfect woman.
-Keira Knightly: I honestly don’t know what it is that attracts me to her. But it’s there.
-Amy Smart. Ever since I saw her in Rat Race I just liked her. Probably the fact that she went from sweet and innocent to wack job in about 15 seconds in that movie. Both great acting and makes me think anyone who would do that in a movie has to be a laid back person.
-Marilyn Monroe. Since this is clearly a list of fantasies, I’m throwing her in there if I am allowed to bend the laws of reality and say I can pluck her out of time some time around the mid to late 50’s. She was and still is the epitome of female beauty.

——————————————————————————————

“Well this is a simplified version of my question, but still works

You are on a sinking ship with 9 other living passengers. There is room for only 3 more people on the last lifeboat and for some reason everyone looks to you to make this decision.

The passengers:

- Male, 68: A brilliant physicist on the brink of a major discovery. Gay and in a relationship. Atheist.
- Female 52: Married housewife and mother of 2 grown children. Buddhist.
- Male 45: Married car salesman and father of six (some grown, some still at home). Muslim.
- Female 43: Civil rights activist and widow of a baptist preacher. No children. Christian.
- Male, 35: A married doctor with three children. You know that he’s cheating on his wife. Catholic.
- Female 24: college dropout (you do not know the circumstances), now a substitute teacher. Very kind, but doesn’t seem very smart. Scientologist.
- Male 18: former gang member just out of juvenile hall, he says he has reformed completely and wants to be a musician. Born-again Christian.
- Female 8: a sweet little girl and math whiz… she has Progeria (a rapid aging disease) and likely will not live past her 10th birthday. Jehovah’s Witness.
- Male 3: A child with downs syndrome. His parents died in the accident that sunk your ship. Religion unknown.
-yourself

Who will you save and why?”
-Poppy
The decision I make is I don’t make a decision. That’s not a cop out, I’m not trying to get out of answering, it’s my real honest answer when working within the confines of this question. Because the whole point behind a question like this is to see who you would save and why just like you asked. But I don’t judge. I don’t care about the age of everyone, their job, their living situations, their religion, or anything. That isn’t my concern. I stay on the sinking boat and help the nearest three people into the life boat without even looking who they are. I try to help a few more. I’ll tear pieces of the sinking boat apart to make drift wood. I stuff as many into the life boat as I can. I’ll try to save however many I can. If it’s only three then so be it. But I’m not taking three based on anything. They just happened to be there and I have the opportunity to save them. Then I try for more even if it’s doomed to fail and costs me my own life. I can’t save everyone, but I can die trying.

——————————————————————————————

Storm’s Questions:

“Who are you?”
Ah. An insightful one this is. Or maybe it’s just boring and masked as insightful. Ah well. My name is Matthew Flynn. I’m 22, live in New Jersey, am a Yankees fan, a Nintendo fanatic, I love my friends, and do whatever I can to make people laugh. I feel that my biggest purpose in life is to help people in any way that I can. Whether it be a shoulder to cry on or to save a life. I figured that out about myself years ago and I do what I can to pursue that. Other than that, I’m just a dude who likes to enjoy the moment and let the future come as it may.

“Why do I find it so hard to break into conversation with you, knowing we would prolly have alot to talk about. is it deliberate?”
Honestly? I have no idea. I’m not that hard to approach. At least I don’t try to be. You wanna talk then talk. Whether it’s to shoot the shit or something in particular. I don’t care. Come talk to me! Right now! Do it already! Why are you still reading this?! Holy shit are you still actually reading this response? What the fuck man?!

“What is your one true fear (u know it)?”
Yes, I do. My one true fear is being without answers, not knowing what to do, feeling helpless. I’m very good at knowing how to handle even the worst of situations. I’m able to offer good advice where it is needed. But if there were ever a situation when I couldn’t do any of that. A situation I couldn’t find an answer, talk my way out of, or fight my way out of. It’s a feeling that has only come a few times in my life and I just don’t like it. I freeze up and think my head is going to explode. It’s not a good feeling.

“What is the most beautiful noise you have ever heard.”
Making my friends laugh. Not just hearing them laugh, but knowing that I did it. I love making people laugh. It’s a bit of an ego boost and probably why its so hard for me to stop with a joke some times, but I just love to make people laugh and will do anything – including inflicting pain on myself – to make it happen.

“Why do you talk about a sport that only girls play in the uk!”
The sport being baseball, it’s obvious that the girls in the UK are smarter than the men. Because for me, baseball is the end all be all. If I had to choose between my three biggest loves (Nintendo, Baseball, Stand up comedy), I go with baseball. Win or lose, there is always next year, always a new hero to be born, always another playoff race. I love it. It’s fantastic. Anything can happen in baseball. The bigger, stronger, faster team doesn’t always win. It’s whoever is going well at the moment. The best team can lose to the worst team on any given day. It’s just that kind of sport. Its more than just talent, timing, drive, and heart. It’s also luck, curses, ghosts, and gods. It’s a beautiful game.

“It often comes across as though you are cryptic , or at least withdrawn and thinking in your responses. Is it deliberate or is it just the way u are percieved through the crudeness of msn?”
I’m withdrawn? Fuck. Then what the hell is everyone? Trapped forever in their proverbial shells? Damn. If I come across that way, it is not my intention. That’s one of the reasons for this entry. I don’t try to hide anything. I have secrets sure, but we all do. I’ll sneak around, and I have my own agenda, but that’s just the way I am. I keep things like that hidden because if I let it out too soon, my plans get ruined. Almost everything I do has a purpose that gets revealed in due time. But if it’s just in my responses….I dunno. Probably because I try to choose my words carefully. I always want to say just the right thing so I do take my time. I also do it to see who is paying attention. So it’s not so much that I’m cryptic, but more than I’m calculated.

“Do you admit when your wrong(and not just when YOU think you are wrong lol)?”
So meaning when I’m flat out wrong and another person is right. Yes, I do admit that and have done it several times. Although, you have to prove me wrong for it to happen. It can’t just be a “because I said so” argument. I’m not set in my ways, but when I think I’m right, don’t expect me to back down. You gotta take me down. And it can be a clean, fair argument. It doesn’t have to get nasty. So long as you present your side of things and it proves my side wrong, then yes. I’ll admit that. Though it doesn’t happen very often. I usually take my time with things and look at all sides and go with the one I think is right. The only real exception to that is when it’s all spur of the moment. A minute long debate with someone and I picked a side based on absolutely nothing and just debate for the fuck of it. I usually go down in flames in those situations.

“If you could give one gift(not life saving) to anyone in the world..maybe not who if you dont like..but what and why?”
That’s actually hard to answer when it isn’t life saving. I guess if I could give someone the answers as to what happens after you die so they could know for sure what has happened to someone they care about. Of course that could turn out to be a “be careful what you wish for” situation. What if there is no afterlife? What if we just die and that’s it? It could backfire. Who knows. But I like to think there is more after this world and if I could let someone know that for sure, it would be the best thing I could give someone.

“Is there anyone in the world you can truly say you HATE?”
I don’t hate people. Hate is a much deeper word than people realize, yet it gets flung around so easily. To me, hate means you would actually get satisfaction and pleasure out of someone else’s pain. I can’t say there is anyone out there I would want that on.

“Would you admit there is a part of you that kinda likes to have your back against the wall?”
Oh definitely! I love going against the odds. Because it’s a win-win situation. If I lose, well no kidding. I was against the odds! If I win, well fuck you! I defeated the odds. Plus it’s fun to see how well you can do under that kind of pressure. How fast can you think? How well can you think? How smart is the other guy and can I out do him? It can be a real rush. Not something I want to do every week because then I’d get fucking drained. But it’s nice to do once in a while just to keep yourself sharp.

“Why didn’t you tell me you put a battered link here? (I am highley flattered)”
You didn’t ask! This blog has been up for months and that link has been there almost from the start! Maybe look around once in a while! Don’t lose the link to this site! Hey, how about that, huh? Bite me again!

“Are you currently in love or close to it?”
YES! Yes, yes, yes, and yes again. I don’t care if this is weird or bizarre to any of our friends, but I love Sarah. We’ve been friends for a long time now and starting a relationship with her came at just the right time for me. I’ve said it to her and I will here as well: I’m in love with Sarah and am the luckiest feck to be with her.

“When was the last time you enjoyed sitting in the rain on a grey day?”
Like every single time it happens. I love the rain. Why do you think that’s my nickname? I go outside and dance in it when I can. Of course then the neighbors think I’m fucked up and an escaped mental patient, but oh well! The only time the rain annoys me is when it delays or cancels a Yankee game. That’s just crap.

“Do you accept yourself fully?”
Yup. I know I have my flaws. Who the fuck doesn’t? But I don’t dwell on them. If there is something I think I should improve, I try. But I’m a loud mouthed, over opinionated, obnoxious, asshole who is too smart for his own good. And that’s right. I said I’m too smart. Fucking deal with it. If you only knew the shit that I have already figured out about this world, you’d be flat out amazed. Smart isn’t in a text book or a test. It’s not your IQ level either. It’s what you do with what you’ve got. And based on that, I’m a fucking genius. But like I said, I’m not perfect. Far from it. And I accept that.

“Do you accept the world fully?”
Yes and no. I accept the world because I have to, but I know it can be better. I accept it for the fact that it is the way it is, but I refuse to accept that it can’t improve. Fuck that. We can over come anything. It won’t come over night, but it’s all a matter of wanting to and trying.

“Do you consider yourself deeper and darker than everyone else?”
Hell no! I know a lot of people love to think that about themselves. That they have problems and issues that are worse than anyone else’s. But if those people would just leave their fucking bubble of a life for a day they would see that their problems ain’t shit compared to what other people have. Just wait until you have that conversation with a war vet or an avalanche survivor and you gotta hear whatever it is they’ve been through. Suddenly your back breakup and your mom yelling at you really doesn’t seem all that bad.

“Are you (in your eyes) “special” ?”
No. I’m just another dude. A speck in the universe. I’ll do what I can in however much time I have and that will be it. I do have a message I want to get across to the world, but it can’t be said in a single post. It’s a life long message that I have been working on for a long time. I put it out there little by little each day when I can. I like to think that hundreds, thousands of years from now that I will be forgotten, but the message will be remembered. It isn’t about me. It’s about doing the right thing.

“WHEN AM I GONNA HEAR ANOTHER BALLS OUT RANT?”
I’m more concerned with the fact that you are asking about my balls. What the hell kind of imagery do you have when you read this shit? Sick bastard. But seriously, I dunno. Something has to piss me off. Although I did do that last one in a rant form, but I guess it wasn’t really a rant topic. Maybe I’ll go visit the SFI forums. That should put me in the mood.

“Is there any ONE thing you would like to get into the heads of people around you?”
Honesty. That’s kind of why I’m doing this. I think people have too many fears about what other people think, they have and keep secrets, and they just hide things about themselves. If people could just let all of that go for a moment, put it all out there, and be honest with each other, I really think people would be happier. You wouldn’t have a whole lot to regret. Even if things back fire with being honest you at least know rather than wonder “What if” for the rest of your life.

“What was the last time you had an uncontrolled laughing fit? What caused it?”
Watching the outtakes on the Jeff Dunham DvD Arguing with Myself when Peanut lost his hair. You probably don’t know what that is. Either way, I just lost it for a good 3 minutes and had a hard time breathing. That was about…..8 months ago? Something like that.

“Have you ever completely lost your temper in front of others?”
Once. It was a little more than two years ago when we just moved into our new house. I was setting up my sister’s bed because she is lazy (keep in mind she is older than me). I had been moving things that entire day. No really. The whole day. I woke up, was the one family member helping the movers (picture a bunch of big, strong, muscular black and Latino guys and then one skinny white guy), and that lasted all day. So its late evening and my sister wants her bed in just such a way. My back hurt, I was tired, hungry, and she was complaining I was doing it wrong. I snapped, slammed her mattress down, and screamed out that she was a fucking bitch. Both our parents came running into the room thinking I was insane, tried to calm me down, I yelled at both of them saying I was too tired for anyone’s shit, and I think that scared them because normally they would yell back, but this time they didn’t. Everyone looked at me like I had two heads because it was very noticeable that I was flat out mad and no one felt like pushing me further. I calmed down 2 minutes later and finished setting up my sisters bed then lied down on it. That was really a whole day in the making to get me to that point. I have been that mad before, but never in front of anyone.

“Whats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?”
Don’t know. I’ve been given a lot of compliments throughout my life and have had a lot of nice things said about me. But the nicest? I just don’t know.

——————————————————————————————

Teesa’s Questions

“Why did you always “HAVE” to win when we played “The Game”. Because that’s how it always worked out. Somehow you’d be all-powerful and better then us all and ultimately you just decided what would be what and you’d make yourself winner. Why?”
You seriously mean to tell me that you haven’t figured that out yet? Quite simply because I was a brat. I had to win because I wanted to win. I didn’t want to lose even in a made up, backyard game amongst a bunch of teenagers. I was kinda like Cartman in the episode where they are all ninjas and he kept adding powers to himself. I did that too just so I could always win. I acted that way because if I didn’t win I would have been huffing about it for the rest of the day. I’ve grown out of that since. I don’t really care about wining or losing. Though I am still a pretty intense competitor when I need to be.

“And what really got you into art? (just comics or did something else influence you? And why do you really want to go into art therapy?”
My drawing started before I was into comic books. I would copy drawings out of the EarthBound player’s guide. When comic books came along it only gave me more drawing styles to mimic until I came to my own.
Art therapy came into the picture somewhere during Sophomore year of college, but it was before that that I knew I didn’t want to be a straight up artist. It wasn’t for me. I never had the time or patience for it. Then it was in college that I realized that I wanted to help people however I could. I didn’t want a 9-5, I’m doing it because it pays the bills, day in, day out, grind. To me, that would be settling. I don’t want to settle in life. I want to do what I enjoy. I want to be able to make a direct impact in the lives of other people. I’d do it for free if I have to, but because I can make a job out of it, I’ll do that. So I combined my artistic ability (because I do enjoy it) with my wanting to help people and came to art therapy. It’s something I have worked in and volunteered in before so I already know that I can do it and that I will enjoy it.

“If you had all the time in the world to do all the things you enjoy, or things you’ve always wanted to do or try but just don’t have the time or resources to, what would they be?”
I like to think I’m already doing that. Even if I had the resources, I simply can’t get to everything at once. But everything I’m doing in life right now is geraed towards accomplishing my goals. It all just takes a while. The things on my life’s to do list are as follows:
-Be part of a successful online gaming clan. Currently in progress. Is it successful? Ask me in a year.
-Become an art therapist. Currently in progress.
-Write and be happy with my story. Also in progress. Like I said, I would like to put together a small writing team of creative people. Probably the only resource I’m missing.
-Have a family of my own. Life is a road. I’m not ready for this because of things (like becoming an art therapist have not happened yet). I have to get some other things done before I can make an attempt at this. But since I’m talking about it, I would very much life to have children. Especially a daughter. I think I would make a good father.
-Skydiving. This comes last because….just in case something goes wrong. I would love to leap out of a plane and just have the Earth race towards me. You are technically falling to your death until you pull that cord. That must be such an amazing feeling. I want that.

——————————————————————————————

“given the choice, and you have to pick one, would u rather have something shoved up your dick or up your butt?”
-u know who
Yes, I do know who and for this person’s sake I will not say who. But first I must say….what the fuck?!
OK, now that that is over my answer is I would rather have something shoved up my ass. Now if I never have something shoved up either one, I will consider my life a glowing success, but since I have to choose that is the way I go. The reason is simple: as much as either one would hurt, I just don’t want to think about anything going up my dick. Not to say I want to think about anything going up my butt, but there are so many butt sex jokes out there that it is easier to deal with I think. You don’t really hear about the dick hole jokes. It just makes my skin crawl and my penis cry. That or I’m pissing my pants….

And yeah. I’m ending it on that note. Now leave me a fucking comment!

So ends another Yankees season. Sadly, without the 27th Championship. Oh well. It is only a game. I game I care about, but a game nonetheless. However, unlike recent years, this off season has many questions around. Let’s look at some of the popular ones from multiple angles.

Joe Torre:

His job was put on the line when the team lost the first two games of the ALDS. Now if you are going to publicly say that the manager i splaying for his job, come out and say it before the first game. Don’t wait until they are a loss away from elimination. Steinbrenner, you’re an asshole for that. Get the fuck out of your comfy Tampa home, grow a fucking pair, and talk to the man yourself. Don’t give him this shit through the newspaper. You’re a great businessman, but you don’t know shit about baseball.

The media has Torre out of a job. The players want him to stay. The coaches want him to stay. Other managers think he should stay. Fans want him to stay. I want him to stay. But apparently old man Steinbrenner knows betters in his old age than half the baseball world.

If Not Torre then Who:

So let’s say that Torre isn’t brought back. Who is the new manager? Here are the top three picks:
1- Don Mattingly. He’s been groomed to be the new manager one day, but did anyone think that it would be this soon? Doubtful. He’s only been a coach for 4 years, and only one of those years has been as a bench coach. Does he have the experience to manage? Who knows. What is known is he has the players’ respect. The man was a Yankee himself, he’s smart, classy, a hard worker, and makes the players work hard as well. He would be the perfect Torre replacement for both players and fans.
2- Joe Girardi. He was the manager of the year in 2006 for the only year he ever managed. He was the Yankees bench coach is 2005. He was a former player on the team. He too is one student of Torre’s who also commands respect from the players. For me personally, if Torre doesn’t come back, I’d like to see Mattingly as the manager and Girardi as the bench coach.
3- Tony LaRussa. Good fucking God. No. No. And no some more. Everyone is talking about him and even LaRussa has said he wants to wait and see what happens with Torre before he commits to trying to return to the Cardinals. Go away, LaRussa. You’re an overrated manager and can’t control his own players. Fuck off.

Alex Rodriguez:

We all know those two wonderful words: opt out. I fucking hate those words. Why was that ever put in his contract?

The media is going to make up stories. Some are going to say he’s going to opt out, some will say he already has a team in mind where he wants to go, some will same he’s staying, and others will say the smart thing that no one knows what he’s going to do. My opinion? Let’s wait and see. He’s had the best year of his career, fans have embraced him, he can have a great future in New York. Obviously, I would love for him to stay and it would be a sad day for me if he left. But if it happens, it happens.

Pitching:

The Yankees are primed to have a great starting rotation for next season. This is who they have guaranteed:
-Mike Mussina
-Chien-Ming Wang
-Phil Hughes
-Joba Chamberlain
-Ian Kennedy

I really like that five. What could make it even better? The fact that it’s way more than likely for Andy Pettitte to return. That gives them multiple options. Kennedy can go back and wait in the minors, Joba can stay in the bullpen, and they have a backup in either of them in case someone gets hurt.

So starting pitching looks great. What about the bullpen? Well if Joba becomes a starting pitcher (which I would like to see), it means the only good pitcher in the bullpen is Rivera. And he is a free agent this off season. And Rivera (like many of the players) wants Torre to return. If he isn’t happy with certain things, don’t be surprised if Enter Sandman is played at another field – and I don’t mean Shea.

So the bullpen needs work. A lot of work. Luis Viscaino had a good couple of months, but that’s it. They need to either make some great trades or look at their farm system for some good young arms. As of right now, their bullpen is their biggest weakness. During the championship years, it was their biggest strength.

Who Stays, Who Goes:

This is all my own opinion. But I will back each thing up with good reason.

Bobby Abreu. He goes. He’s the first on my list to go. I don’t want to here about any of his numbers because his numbers are bullshit. The guy almost never gets a hit when it counts. He can’t cover ground in the outfield if his life depended on it, and he’s going to be in his late 30s. Fuck that guy. He has an option to be picked up on his contract. Simply don’t pick it up. So who replaces him? Bronson Sardinha. Who is that? Minor league player who was called up for a few games and he hit everything thrown at him. What’s even better is that he covered all kinds of ground in right field. So the guy doesn’t have to be an offensive force. If he gets his hits and plays great defense, then that is enough. Not everyone on the team has to be a home run hitter. Let’s get away from that and go back to the old days of young guys doing their part. Sardinha is that type of player.

Johnny Damon. Keep him. He made everyone worry that he was a big mistake at the start of the season, but that dude turned it around. Not only that, but he was the biggest bat in the 4 playoff games. But his days in center field are over. Make him the everyday left fielder. The combination of him and Melky make everything from center field to the left field foul line covered.

Hideki Matsui. Stays. But only as the DH. Now I’m not a fan of an everyday DH, but we can’t ignore his bat. Granted he sucked the last few weeks of the season and was an instant out in the playoffs, but most of them were. He just can’t play the outfield anymore. He doesn’t have the legs for it. So keep his legs fresh and make him the DH.

Jason Giambi. Go…away…fatman. I never cared for you Giambi. Go away. You’re a .250 pull hitter. You’re done here. But wait! He has a year left on his contract. What to do? Oh I know. Trade his ass. Who will take him? Who cares. Will they take his contract? They will if the team eats it. That’s what I’d do if i ran things and what they should do.

Andy Pettitte, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada. DUH! They stay.

Shelly Duncan, Doug Mientkiewicz, Jose Molina. Duncan is under contract so he’s staying anyway. Just don’t trade him. Mientkiewicz and Molina are free agents. Bring them both back, and make Doug the everyday first basemen. His hitting might start slow, but he will come around and level off as a .275 hitter. When you figure who well he plays first, it’s worth it. Molina is just a great backup catcher. He is a must stay.

Roger Clemens. Retire for real this time, dude.

OK, that’s about all I can come up with before they really start to pursue things in this off season. We’ll wait and see what happens.

By the way, I’m almost done with the Open Book questions. I’m just waiting on one more person to contribute questions.