Why such a title? Hmm. Perhaps because I am really pissed off right now. Really pissed off. To the point of violence. Might even be a good thing that none of my roommates are in tonight, but that wall looks like it could use a few punches. I’ve had way too much shit happen these last 10 days – being sick didn’t help the situation – and today it all reached the surface. I woke up annoyed at nothing in particular, got pissed the moment I saw my moron of a lecturing professor walk in through the door with her bullshit neck brace, and I’ve felt that way since.
I’m pissed at certain little things, pissed at certain big things, pissed at certain friends of mine right now (I doubt very much they know it) so around 6:30 today I just signed off everything because I knew holding any kind of conversation with someone was not going to end well. My mom called me and asked if I wanted to come home tonight just to do nothing. I’m sure I sounded way more ticked at that idea than I should have, but as of right now I don’t give a fuck. Just not in a happy place right now.
I had to stack up my pillows and throw a baseball at them for 10 minutes just so I could get some of the rage out. It didn’t help. It never does when I use pillows. It needs to be to another person who can handle a hard thrown ball and can send it back just the same. That seemed to help me over the summer as I pretty much beat myself up through games of catch by not stopping well after my arm would hurt and would have my brother Joe throw the ball so I would have to run for it. I would keep doing that for 15 minutes after my legs started to throb. I need to do that again. Now. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll hound him until he agrees. He doesn’t like to throw nearly as much as I do and certainly doesn’t realize that it is a vent for me.
Ever see Fight Club? There is a scene where Ed Norton’s character is beating the Hell out of one of the new guys and he’s narrating as it happens. One of the lines during his narration is “I wanted to breath smoke.” I never understood what that meant until now. I’m that kind of pissed.
Now for your own well being: fuck off and leave me alone. At least for today.
