The Mind Gone Mad

Yankees end the first month of the season with a 9-14 record, are in last place, and trail the division leading Red Sox by 6.5 games. And? They’ve done this before! The three seasons before this one they have gotten off to some of the most disgusting starts ever and always seem to bounce back. Everyone has them dead and buried then July comes around and look at that, the Yankees are kicking ass. It’s the fact that they have won 9 games that has impressed me. Consider the following:

1. Injuries: Chien-Ming Wang, Hideki Matsui, Mike Mussina, Carl Pavano, and Jeff Karstens all found themselves on the disabled list within the first couple of weeks of the season. Four of those guys are starting pitchers. One of them is the ace of the staff. And those are just the guys who made it to the DL. Other injuries include Johnny Damon’s calves and back, Derek Jeter’s foot and calf, Andy Pettitte’s back, and Jorge Posada’s thumb. Those are important people!
2. Rivera not having it. Mariano Rivera left spring training as perfect as could be. The season started and it was all gone. He blew his first two save opportunities and lost important games as well as making matters worse in other games he pitched. Rivera has started off seasons poorly before, but never like this. The reason for it? No one knows. It doesn’t appear to be physical and mentally he’s the strongest guy on the team. Some times this shit just happens.
3. Slumps. Jason Giambi started the season ice cold, but has turned it around. However, Bobby Abreu is gotten even colder than Giambi was if that’s even possible. What makes this so bad? Abreu bats in front of Alex Rodriguez and Giambi bats behind him. When your best hitter doesn’t have the backup he needs, it does two things. Makes that great hitter look more amazing, but it also costs the team important runs. Several games have been lost because those two slumps.
4. Timing: This is actually a much more solid team than meets the eye. The defense is great, the hitting is awesome, and the bullpen has dominated. A lot of the losses have come simply because of poor timing. A player commits an error that leads to the winning run. A batter hits into a double play with the bases loaded to end the inning. A reliever gives up a home run and the lead late in the game. Each loss it has been a different guy fucking up at just the right moment. The next game he goes out there and has no problem. That’s the way he should play it. Unfortunately, someone else just happens to make one mistaken that leads to a loss. It sucks, but it’s also how the game goes.

Is there light at the end of the tunnel. Well those injured players have been returning, Mariano got his first save the other day, and there are 139 games left to play. I have seen the Yankees turn things around as the season progresses. Now some experts and fans have been saying that this time they will have to do so against a much different and a very good Red Sox team. I have only one reply to that: no such thing as a guaranteed lead. 6.5 game lead with 139 games left doesn’t mean a fucking thing. Bring on the season. If they fail, they fail. But let’s at least try.

OK, I’ve been trying to come up with an entry where I’m pissed and just haven’t been mad at anything lately, but then I realized that I actually have been mad at something, but kept forgetting about it. Is that good or bad? Ah well. This has to do with my peers in my Advanced Visual Arts class.

This class is me and all the other graduating senior art students who are doing work for the senior show. I know many of these people and have had at least one class with each of them. I probably would have ended up friends with several of them over the years if I was more involved with the art department, but a little thing called SFI happened at the beginning of the freshmen year and that basically became my personal extracurricular activity even if I can’t put it on a resume. Oh well. No regrets.

There is one dude in that class who I totally could have been great friends with, but the rest of them…well…really no regrets not being friends with them. Why? Because the vast majority of them approach their art work in a way that kind worries the shit out of me. So many of them always, ALWAYS focus on the technical issues of their work. They want it balanced, want it ordered, want one thing to compliment another. They never focus on the emotional level of their work. They do their work because it’s an assignment, not because it is their opportunity to put themselves into the piece. Then when it’s time for the critique, they take the exact same approach. They discuss how the piece can look better or be more balanced. Yeah, but…what about the message its supposed to give about the artist? Oh that’s right, so few of you are actually trying to make a piece that speaks about you on an emotional level. Forgot you were all dead inside.

I have this piece I’ve been working on for a month for the senior show. Each week we bring in our work in progress and each I feel like it’s the same thing. Now before I go on, let me state that it’s not the criticism that bothers me. I’m used to that. I’ve been having my work critique since I was 12. I appreciate constructive ideas. But like i said, these people are a little one dimensional.

The piece has a large drawing in the center of a woman curled up in a corner. Around the drawing are several photographs of the faces of people as though they are staring at the woman. The whole point of this piece is this central figure and it appearing as though these faces are staring her down. That is what I want to get across. Everyone I have shown this to sees the sense of hopelessness in this center figure. Good. That is exactly what I am going for. What was suggested last class? That I take out the woman in the center and use just a blank piece of paper so it is as though the faces on the side are looking at something not there. WHAT?! That was suggested by the professor, and others agreed with her!!! WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT?! What kind of bullshit, half assed, fucked up, nothing to do with anything at all narrative is that you dumb, worthless fecks! That not only it dumb, but it completely throws out what I had in mind in the first place. I want people to come along, see this figure, see the faces starring at it, and think the obvious about it. These other people want to do that stupid, cheesy, “but what are they looking at” crap. All because it would give it more balance and who knows what the fuck.

Like I said, I don’t care when someone criticizes my work. I’m used to that. Hell, someone can say it outright sucks. But that wasn’t what I’ve been getting. I’ve been getting people who have been missing the obvious…that’s why they worry the shit out of me. And even more, is I then tell them the obvious and it still goes right over their heads. Then I see their work. It’s good stuff. It really is. I have respect for the talent they all have. But when they talk about it, most of them are clearly doing it to fill the assignment. There is almost no reason for them to have done what they do. Maybe they don’t want to talk the personal reasons behind their work, but if an artist can’t do that then game over. Instead they are concerned with having even numbers of whatever images and making sure the top of the piece is heavier than the bottom. Yes, I know that is something you learn not to do in like 7th grade art, but the whole point of being an artist at this point in your life is to damn the rules and do what you feel. An artist shouldn’t think out their work intellectually. Fuck that.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong. Either way, they bother me.

I don’t know why, but I really like that title. I’m not sure if I heard it somewhere or what, but I’ve just had that line in my head for weeks now. It almost sounds like a song lyric, but I can’t think of a song it would be from. I just know that I really like it so there it is. But what does it have to do with this entry? Well, I’m glad you asked. It is time for me to look ahead and address the coming weeks and months, but first I need to list all the things that I refuse to talk about simply because everyone else is doing that and it is boring me to tears. *ahem*

• Graduation (I get up early, sit for hours in the sun wearing a black robe, listen to idiots talk about nothing, get a piece of paper, then go home)
• Getting a job after graduation (Do I worry? No. You shouldn’t either)
• All the work for my advanced classes (I love you procrastination)
• Grad School (whoa…that’s a year away dammit)

Now for the shit I am concerning myself with, but just before I do, understand that I concern myself with these things because…well…it’s fun.

The summer: I look forward to the beach, the sun, and the exercise. That’s right, the exercise. I plan on getting myself in shape. Walking, running, cycling, baseball, skiing, and swimming. I want to do at least one of those things every day during the summer. I am even considering doing some mild weight lifting. And don’t think this is something that I’m just saying I’m going to do then give it up after a week. I’m gonna make sure my brother and my dad keep on me about this stuff.

Now if you are asking yourself “Why do you want to do that?” the answer is because I want to climb two Adirondack High Peek mountains this summer and to do that I need to be in shape so the day after graduation my new workout program kicks off. I’m gonna be buff and 5 kinds of sexy. ….Stop laughing!

The new boat. My dad has already ordered a brand new, 2007 model Jetboat. He already is going to sell the current boat (a ski nautique) to a friend of his and I have no idea what he’s doing with the jetski, but that sucker is going too, and I don’t care. I just want that jetboat. It’s going to be all kinds of sweet. It’s faster then the ski nautique and can do 180s. I’m gonna be out on that thing, blasting some music, putting all those annoying tourists in their place. It’s my lake you bastards! Just because you rent for a weekend doesn’t mean you have the right of way!

Canada. We’re going and we’re honoring that poor bastard no matter what comes up. It’ll be early in August, Yankees play the Blue Jays in Toronto, and we’re going!!! I’ll have my Jays cap and a Yankees jersey all to confuse the hell out of everyone who sees me just like last summer. That was good stuff.

Clan stuff. I’m going to have a lot of time to pay more attention to my ever growing gaming clan. I’m already working with the Squidman to expand further into Lord of the Rings Online and that is going to be a lot of fun. I’ve been playing the game all weekend and I’m definitly into the game. I’m not addicted though. I can tell that. I’ve just been playing it so I can understand it and to level up my character. I got him to level 10 today and I’m happy with that. This new game will be fun because it’s going to bring in a shit load of new members and that is going to be refreshing especially since I’ll be one of the dudes in charge.

Baseball. *deep breath* ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Another season, another year. Baseball is back. Bring on the summer already and give me those hot July night games that end with a Rivera save. I can’t wait.

OUT!

OK, Alex Rodriguez has been one of my favorite players for years even before he was traded to the Yankees. I always had respect for him and loved to watch him play because I knew he was and is a guy that can do things on a baseball field like the players you hear your dad talk about. Wrap your mind around this:

He will be 32 on July 27 and he is only 26 home runs shy of 500. He has a very legitimate shot at getting to 500 before his 32nd birthday. No one has ever hit 500 home runs before that age. Never been done. He was also the first to ever reach 400 home runs before turning 30. All the legendary names in the history of this sport – Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Mike Schmidt, Jimmie Foxx, Willie McCovey, Mel Ott, Ted Williams, -not one of those guys (all with more than 500 home runs) ever made it to 400 before they turned 30, but Alex Rodriguez did. He’s doing things in this game that men of legend have not done, and then some.

He will reach the 3,000 hit mark and will do so with more than a .300 career batting average. He has won gold gloves and MVPs, has played several All Star games and in the post season. All that is left for him is the top of the mountain. I want this guy to walk away with a World Series ring and to do it with the Yankees. When all is said and done, Alex Rodriguez will go down as one of the 10 greatest players in the history of baseball. I so want nothing more than to see him carve his name into the deep history of Yankees’ World Series Championships.

Went and saw Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters and I have to say that I have never seen a movie like that before. At least not in the theaters. One where the place is packed and everyone there is laughing hysterically every 30 seconds. Have you ever seen the Aqua Teen show? Well the movie was exactly the same only an hour and 20 something minutes. Was there a plot? Uhhh…sort of. As much as there is a plot in each of the episodes at least. Bottom line though: fucking hilarious.

Right from the start this movie was a riot. The movie actually starts before it starts. You know those old movie theater “Let’s go out to the concession stand and get a snack” songs with the walking food singing those really bad songs? Well one of those starts in just before the movie and I’m sitting there thinking it really was one of those. Nope. I won’t ruin it for you, but what happens was definitely some of the funniest few minutes I have ever witnessed, as well as some of the most brilliant.

So go see it. Random ass shit is always well worth it.

And why not? I’m good at it! Well, at least for baseball anyway. I’d be a great Yankees beat writer. I read a lot of the daily columns and those guys are all writing the same damn thing. I agree with very few of their opinions and I’d bring a fresh perspective to the table. For example:

Back during Spring Training and when Alex Rodriguez decided to give an open and honest statement about the condition of his friendship with Derek Jeter he said that the two of them were not the buddies they used to be 10 years ago. That they don’t go out to dinner every night, but that they were still good friends. How did every writer interpret that? Basically each one said that it meant they were at each other’s throats and hated each. What?

OK let’s pull our heads out of our asses for a moment and stop trying to invent a Jerry Springer moment. The guy said that they weren’t as close as they were 10 years ago and didn’t go out to dinner every night. Ten years ago they were both young 22 year olds coming up in the majors as the two biggest and best short stops. They would hang out whenever their two teams played against each other and would spend their time together. Today as teammates, they aren’t doing the same. Well you know what? I would fucking hope not! ARod is married and has a daughter, I hope he isn’t spending every night with Jeter. That would be all kinds of weird. Look, when two 22 year olds spend every night they can hanging out and getting dinner together that’s called being buddies. When two 32 year old guys do that it’s called being gay! So yeah, I surely hope not.

What do I see from their relationship? I see two dudes who are friends. They had issues a couple years ago, but they put it past them. That’s what guys do! Guys don’t really have fights. At least not ones that last longer than 30 minutes. After that whatever the problem was is just no longer an issue. The only time guys ever hold a grudge is when a woman is involved. That’s it. And yet these writers don’t realize that. Are any of them actually men? Because all I see when I read these damn columns is that they are always taking about one of the player’s feelings. What the hell is that about? Grow a pair you pansy beat writers!

But let’s look at a more recent event. I read an article just a couple days ago where one writer just had to be a dick and asked ARod about that stupid opt out clause. Alex asked if the guy really thought he would leave at the end of the year and the writer responded that he did. I think this writer was Bob Klapish, but I’m not sure. Alex continued by saying that he had no intentions to leave, but that if he did he was sure all those writers would miss him. Then Klapish continues his article by saying that Alex dropped an obvious hint that he wants to be wanted. He wrote it like that was a bad thing. Excuse me, but who the fuck doesn’t want to be wanted? Dude, if you found out tomorrow that no one likes the shit you write, it would bother you! You would want that to change. If no one wants you, you’re out of a freaking job! So now you’re gonna make it look like a bad thing because Alex Rodriguez feels the same way? You’re a moron.

Alex made it clear a month ago: he wants to stay in New York. He wants to do well, wants the team to do well, and wants the fans to except him. All those things happen (which is really NOT a hard thing to do) then he stays. So far this season, he’s doing very well. I’m sure at the end of the season the team and he will also have done well. They only wild card here are the fans. The fickle fickle New York fans who don’t look at a player for what he really is. Anyone who boos Alex Rodriguez and says they are a Yankees fan, doesn’t know baseball. It’s that simple. I’m as biased as they come when baseball is involved. Sure I have favorite players and am a fan of the Yankees, but I understand the game enough to know what is what and what is bullshit. Those other people, especially those damn writers, cannot lay claim to the same thing.

I feel better now. A night to myself helped. I put on a really old Bill Cosby stand up special and I laughed to tears and that definitely helped as a release. Got home and hung out with Joe. I always feel better when I do that. He’s one of the rare few who lets me be me and never gives me that odd look as though he’s passing judgment. Love him for that.

He and I are already talking about how we aren’t really in the mood to hang out with our cousins tomorrow. I don’t have anything really in common with either of them and they both have this air of “I’m better than you” about them. At least that’s what I think. They aren’t bad guys, just not the types I particularly care to spend time with.

And one other thing. Arod! That’s my guy! Been cheering for him since day one and never stopped. Games like today are the reason why. All that “he’s not clutch” stuff is bullshit! He’s come through before and he did again today. You’re my guy, Alex, and no one else!

Why such a title? Hmm. Perhaps because I am really pissed off right now. Really pissed off. To the point of violence. Might even be a good thing that none of my roommates are in tonight, but that wall looks like it could use a few punches. I’ve had way too much shit happen these last 10 days – being sick didn’t help the situation – and today it all reached the surface. I woke up annoyed at nothing in particular, got pissed the moment I saw my moron of a lecturing professor walk in through the door with her bullshit neck brace, and I’ve felt that way since.

I’m pissed at certain little things, pissed at certain big things, pissed at certain friends of mine right now (I doubt very much they know it) so around 6:30 today I just signed off everything because I knew holding any kind of conversation with someone was not going to end well. My mom called me and asked if I wanted to come home tonight just to do nothing. I’m sure I sounded way more ticked at that idea than I should have, but as of right now I don’t give a fuck. Just not in a happy place right now.

I had to stack up my pillows and throw a baseball at them for 10 minutes just so I could get some of the rage out. It didn’t help. It never does when I use pillows. It needs to be to another person who can handle a hard thrown ball and can send it back just the same. That seemed to help me over the summer as I pretty much beat myself up through games of catch by not stopping well after my arm would hurt and would have my brother Joe throw the ball so I would have to run for it. I would keep doing that for 15 minutes after my legs started to throb. I need to do that again. Now. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll hound him until he agrees. He doesn’t like to throw nearly as much as I do and certainly doesn’t realize that it is a vent for me.

Ever see Fight Club? There is a scene where Ed Norton’s character is beating the Hell out of one of the new guys and he’s narrating as it happens. One of the lines during his narration is “I wanted to breath smoke.” I never understood what that meant until now. I’m that kind of pissed.

Now for your own well being: fuck off and leave me alone. At least for today.

Oh get ready for a long one!

Tuesday night (this would be 6 days ago) I had that “I feel a cold coming, but its not here yet” feeling. It sucks when you get those doesn’t it? I mean you know its right fucking there and there ain’t a Goddamn thing you can do about it.

Next morning I wake up and my throat hurts each time I swallow, my voice is a little hoarse, I’m sneezing, my nose is stuffed and running. Best part? I have to finish up putting together a presentation that had to be given that night. So I do that, go to my class, give my presentation feeling like all kinds of shit. I hate having to do those assignments. I still see no point as to why we have to do those. I mean some people just don’t want to stand up in front of people and talk about a subject they only have knowledge in because a dumbass teacher told they had to do it. I am one of those people. It’s useless. And it certainly not “good practice for when you really do have to give a speech one day.” Yeah fuck that! If and when I do have to give a speech it isn’t going to be on the Zodiac constellations, damnit! It is going to be on something I care about. If it’s for a job or an interview, it’s going to pertain to something I obvious care about.

So I give the damn presentation. I wasn’t nervous. I don’t get nervous for public speaking. I just don’t care to do it when it’s the fucking teacher who should be doing it. DO YOUR JOB, ASSHOLE! Although I’m sure I looked like I was nervous. Had to keep clearing my throat, I’m sure it cracked here and there, but I was sick! That happens to me when I’m sick.

I get back from class and have to start in on a drawing due the next morning. If you are wondering why I leave it until the night before when the class is once a week well know this: fuck you and your judgments! But really, that’s how I am when it comes to art projects. We get assignments, I let the ideas stir in my head for a few days, sketch for a few more, then I just go at it for 5-7 hours the night before. I mean I get straight A’s in all my drawing classes so it seems to be a good system for me. Its just a lot harder to do a drawing when you got enough snot in you to dam a river. (Gross enough for you? Good.)

So now it’s Wednesday night and it’s my first night trying to sleep with this cold, and let me tell you, I never sleep well when I’m sick. This was no different. I woke up a couple times in the night and I had to be up at 9:30. I’m not a morning person when I’m in perfect health. Needless to say, I was the crankiest little bitch Thursday morning. Went to class, put up my drawing, snagged the one good seat in the room (because it’s a studio class with no tables and nothing but stools, a shitty wooden chair, a shitty plastic chair, and a really nice cushion chair with wheels. I was the first in the studio that morning and I did everything I could to make sure everyone knew I claimed it except pee on it. It was the only thing that made that morning manageable for me.

Thankfully we got out about 40 minutes early, I wandered straight back to my room, and was tired as all fuck. Normally under these situations I go straight to sleep. I was more than tired enough and my body sure could have used it. Problem? Had a huge fucking text the next morning that I had to be ready for. I spend the rest of my day studying. About 8 hours worth. Why studying so hard the day before? Because the teacher for this class is no teacher at all. All she fucking does is lecture and wants you to take notes of every last word she says offering no helpful ways of actually learning the material. But why the day before? Well I didn’t. I had been studying it little by little the whole week before, but I still didn’t know much and I was banking on that whole day to help. Now it did, but again….sick! It’s not easy to studying when you feel that horrible. And if you’re wondering, the illness had progressed to more soreness in my throat, more sneezing, more snot, and now a headache. Advil, you don’t do shit!

I go to sleep really early for me. 12:30 AM. Yeah that’s right. That’s how tired I was. But I still wanted to get some more studying in. So I set my alarm for 8:45. I fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow and wake up 5 minutes before the alarm is set to go off. Perfect. I’m up when I want and don’t have to hear that motherfucking beep. I hate that damn thing. I study for another hour and then give myself a review. I know the stuff. I was ready, but had another hour to kill. So I went and took and really nice, long, hot shower. It felt good. I get out, dry off my oh so sexy body, and kill some time before class. I finally head over, get the test, and shouldn’t have been surprised at it, but I was. I honestly can’t tell you how I did because I knew the material, but she’s annoying professors who doesn’t know how to write a fucking test. This is an abnormal psych class. One of the questions went something like “A patient suffers a blow to the head. Do you:” and the options weren’t what procedure you give them, but instead the names of the guys who invented the fucking procedures. What the fuck is that?! Who cares?!?! Lady, are you honestly trying to tell me that you have been in a situation when you said “This man needs a Freudian approach!” She’s a fucking therapist herself and I’m pretty sure she is still sees regular patients. Why do schools believe that just because a person has a PhD, and actually do the job that the course is about means they can teach it? In almost every single class I’ve had with a class like that, the professor sucks. This class is no different. I can’t learn the material from your lecturing alone. You actually have to give a shit. Clearly you don’t. Bitch.

So that was Friday. The week was over, my illness was not. I felt horrible. I spend the day watching DvDs with my roommates, but I was so out of it. DD and Sarah showed up to watch some with us, and they probably saw just how fucked up I looked. At least I guess they did. I was that out of it. I just held my head up to watch the screen and that was it. That night was over and I went to sleep feeling like I wasn’t going to wake up. Instead it was just the opposite. From the time I got into bed from the time I woke up the next day was about 9 and a half hours. But I probably only slept for 8 of them. I kept waking up in the middle of the night. That always happens to me when I’m really sick, and I hate it. It’s like my body doesn’t want me to sleep through it. Fucking body.

Saturday! A day off right? Wrong! DD’s birthday. Gotta go out. Gotta celebrate. She’s 22! Wo-hooo! Now, I could have skipped it. She knew I was sick. I was definitely at my worst that day. My head hurt, I was sneezing like crazy, my voice was shot and sounded like I was screaming the day before. Whatever I had must have found it’s way into my spine or back muscles because my lower back was in some of the worst pain I had ever felt and it wouldn’t go away no matter how I sat or stood. Only if I lied down. So sure, I could have said I was sorry and skipped out, but she’s my friend. I don’t want to do that. I want to be there for her even if it is at my own physical sacrifice. I’m a sucker that way. My friends are important to me. Oh well. I go out, I’m fairly quiet (for me anyway), and I get through dinner well enough…aside from the really embarrassing, but also really funny spilling my soda all over my pants. I just sat there and laughed at it because yeah, that fucking ridiculous.

Dinner is over and it was like 8:45ish I think and I was wearing out already. I muscle through some stuff at the mall’s pet store, but then they all start talking about going for drinks somewhere. I couldn’t do it. I needed to go. It wasn’t the cold. I could deal with that. Sneezing and a headache isn’t shit to me. But my back…fuck. That is just not good times. It hurt a lot. Aside from the time I actually threw it out, it was the worst back pain I ever had.

I get a ride back to my apartment, thanked the gods that the party Harry told me he was throwing didn’t happen (at least not here), filled a huge glass with water, got a bag of pretzels, went into my room, lied in bed, and watched TV for 3 hours. I was sick, not tired. I was up until about 2AM and went to sleep. I woke a half a dozen more times through the night, and when morning came (yeah I actually woke up in the morning naturally this time) I felt a bit better, but not much. That meant something though. Saturday was the worst day, Sunday was bad but not as bad. It meant the illness was going down.

So Sunday I get a ride home and just lounge the whole time. I played some games on my computer and watched the Mets open their season against the Cardinals. Mets creamed them. Good. I like the Mets. Then I go to sleep in the bed in my room. Not in the basement where I usually sleep at home. I don’t sleep in my room there. Not comfortable. I’ve slept in the basement since we moved in that house summer of ‘05. It’s so much nicer and quieter down there, but unfortunately my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin were visiting and they had taken over the basement during that time. Bastards! So I sleep in that room and it was weird, but I dealt with it. Finally didn’t wake up in the middle of the night, but wish I had because I had a totally fucking weird dream that had to do with DD (and no, I will not tell you what it was!).

I wake up at exactly 12:35 SWEET! Why? Yankees Opener! I force myself out of bed even though I could have fallen back to sleep for another hour, but I’m not missing the first pitch. No fucking way. I get down stairs, the house is empty (good), I crash on the couch, and turn on the pre-game. Baseball season is back. First thing that brought a genuine smile to my face in weeks. Seeing Andy Pettitte announced and run onto the field with his 46 jersey again. That should make anyone happy. Well…except the opposing team I guess.

Bottom line. I’m finally coming down. It’s been 6 whole days of this cold. I still feel some of it, but I’m not near death anymore. Man that was a long one wasn’t it? If you read the whole thing, I’m fucking impressed, but don’t think for a second that I’m going back to proof read it. Just deal with whatever spelling or grammatical errors I got!